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Monday, November 12th, 2007
5:59 am
it's 5:59AM and i'm in the middle of finishing my paper so of course it's time to write a livejournal entry. yay! actually i just want to tell what i just dreamt about. i slept from 2 to 5 and had a dream and mike hunt was in it. it's funny, i had forgotten all about him. how it started was a bunch of people like nancy and sydney and other people i know had been in my room, working on a group project or something. and there were balloons, but i'm not sure why. then everybody suddenly left and nancy and i were alone in the room. so i went outside to see what was going on. all the people were sitting against the walls, just being there and i walked down and saw this guy against kyle's door with girls on either side of him who he had come with. and i peered at him and said incredulously, "michael hunt?" and he looked a me and burst out laughing. then i went back into my room and said to nancy, "omg nancy, michael hunt is out there." then i realized that nancy would have absolutely no idea who he was since i knew him from home. but she went outside anyway. and i figured that i should go out and try to help in some way since that made me realize that although they were all out there, none of those people actually knew him or anything about him. so i went back outside and he had moved to the middle of the hallway and the girl's were helping him sit up but he positively rolling. i'm still not exactly sure what was wrong with him, but i think he must have been having one hell of a trip. one of the girls tried to tell me without telling me but i didn't get it. so everyone was just sitting against the walls, just to offer their company as support i guess, i still don't get that, but whatever, and i went up to michael and started to talk to him. i took his hand and said, "michael, it's danica. do you remember me?" and his head was going in all directions and somewhere from my right kelsey told me to back off like she knew better than me or something and i said, "shut up, i know this guy." i don't really remember what happened after that. but i do know that ryan mark was there and at some point michael must have left because most of the onlookers or whatever were gone but ryan had fallen asleep on the floor. and i think matt's room door was open and inside was a kitchen. the end.
in the spirit of three stars
Sunday, November 11th, 2007
1:21 pm
i hate sundays. i really do.

they are the day after everything, when everyone is hungover or tired or just bummed that they have to go to class the next day. and the world seems so sluggish and dumb and you just want to drag your feet and not do anything real. it's the curl up in bed and ignore the day day. and yet you also hold on to that stupid futile hope that it doesn't end, just so that you can still have some taste of the weekend to savor. but time still moves at the same pace it always has, regardless of your lack of motivation. and therefore certain necessary things have to be done, like that stupid paper and the rest of your homework and laundry if you want to have any clean clothes for the whole stupid week of classes and whatever other crap that's ahead of you.

well, whatever. i just want to go back to sleep.

current mood: slow
three stars
Thursday, November 8th, 2007
6:31 pm
okay, whatever, i'm over it. not really but i will be. it was stupid anyway. i'm done. i keep doing this. no. i am fucking finished. this is too exhausting.
three stars
12:17 pm - seriously
wtf. why is this bitch trying to jizz up my number 1. i swear this same fucking thing happened last time. she seriously needs to back off, or i might be forced to hurt her. no joke.

current mood: angry
three stars
Wednesday, November 7th, 2007
10:34 pm - they.
my intelligence has informed me that #3 might be "seeing" somebody. i don't really care because it's not like i was trying to get with him or anything. those terms are so confusing though. like they all mean slightly different things, maybe. i guess everyone has their own definitions. or something. i wonder what's up with numbers 1 and 2. i saw #2 twice today and was excited because i never see him. in fact, i saw all three of them rather more often than usual today. but enough about that.

i got to my first class on time today and was asleep 15 minutes later. i woke up in half an hour with 5 minutes left, which was nice. i also fell asleep for a half hour in math, and woke up with 15 minutes left. i noticed that the left part my head tingled weirdly when i woke up both times. i don't know what that was about. i skipped mass comm today for no reason at all except for the single fact that i could and went to "breakfast" with jack. but there was no real food though so i just had cereal, toast, coffee, and tea. went to french. heard a story about someone having 90 bottles of beer in their room. still trying to figure out how that's possible. waited around with jordan after french until his study partner came just because i'm a nice person. he's funny though, so it was fairly entertaining. had lunch with noella. math. ffc. came back. had a fantastic nap. the room was so dark and lovely. sleepy dinner. studied for french. quality time with kara exercising our southern vocal chords. laurin and becca's birthday. etc.

so let me tell you about the three embarrassing things that happened to me today, two of which were consecutive. i was walking to math and i saw this guy from my hall and i said, "hey joe." and in my head i was like, wtf that isn't joe but i just looked at him, thinking that but not correcting myself and getting this look on my face like i knew i was wrong but hadn't yet come to the point of saying anything about it. and then he said, "i'm not joe, my name is brian" and i said, "i know, i don't know why i called you that." and i was embarrassed and walked into the classroom really fast to escape the situation. the room was kind of dim and i saw all these people i didn't recognize. but i thought that maybe i was just crazy, so i kept walking but then stopped by this table. and this guy was sitting right at the end and i just stood there, not looking at anything, just realizing. and finally i said, "this is so not my class." and turned around and walked out kind of quick. so then i went into math cracking up but at least it was the right class that time. then after my ffc i was walking back to the dorms with my friend and this bee fell out of the sky like 2 inches in front of my face and grant just kind of backed up but i completely freaked out and started yelling and going "whoooo-oo-ooo!" and did this half-jumping-dance, half-run away from it. and it was embarrassing because it was so unnecessary and loud and i don't know why i reacted that way. and then i started laughing at myself again because i'm ridiculous. hi. you want to you know me.

current mood: ehhh
three stars
Monday, November 5th, 2007
11:14 pm - head for the hills
okay so here's the deal. i am now eyeing three guys. there is a hierarchy too. one two three. but i'm not making any moves. do you hear me? no plans this time. no objectives, no sacrifices, no manipulation of situations. just whatever happens. basically they're probably all out of my league. i don't necessarily mean it that way but i don't know how else to put it. more like, they wouldn't automatically consider me, you know what i mean? i've already acted like a retard around all three of them. that always helps. one probably has some idea, unless he's a complete idiot. two and three, no clue, i'm sure. i don't know why i'm talking about this here or now. i'm bored. i should be asleep. i have work in the morning. today at lunch my roommate said that we could have dates if we wanted. she dared me to turn around and ask some random guy if he wanted to go out with me. i kind of wanted to, just to see how that whole thing would play out, but didn't because he seemed to be very involved in some serious conversation. he was also holding a newspaper, which was intimidating. on reflection, i think he might have been gay. anyway, the point is.. wait, i don't think there was a point.

i would like to start dating though. that sounds stupid, but i need something casual and normal and at least slightly entertaining. that and i've never been on an actual date before. it would be interesting i think. okay how weird is it that i had a boyfriend a month ago. that doesn't even seem real anymore. it honestly feels like some other warped parallel life. plus it turns out he's creepy and gross and kind of a douche. what a waste of perfectly good time. it makes me wonder how things would have been different had i not been steering towards that pretty much as soon as i got here. mildly depressing but not. maybe a little nauseating though. still, no regrets. god knows what's up. i am not worrying.

current mood: i don't know
three stars
Friday, October 19th, 2007
7:28 am
7:28 AM
last page.
you'd think a three page paper wouldn't be that difficult of a task.
but philosophy is something else entirely.
i now officially feel like the most repetitive person to ever exist.

current mood: damn you plato
three stars
Tuesday, October 16th, 2007
7:47 pm - where the colors all run to gray
people's eyes say i'm no damn good,
shut down and left lonely only with a "maybe we could".
i stay inside 'cause i'm misunderstood.
i can't get no release;
i'm shellshocked from some heavy blows.
a stranger to the people i know,
who used to say, "he never had a down day".
now i'm holding on to can't let go's
and silence brings no peace.

in another life
'cause it's good again.
and i don't know why
i've got a will to burn.

to see you again
is like another life.
it's like i'll not get better
the will to burn.

well time goes by and i realize that i'm all right.
you thought nothing would be the same,
but life comes round again.
quick wits and all curious,
and all caught up in what you say.
and it makes me grab the time
before it slips away.

i can't stay and i cannot wait
and i'm grateful to whistle past a graveyard gate
the flicker fade is getting stronger
like when the days start getting longer.
i've got the rhythm down now in the places we warred;
the golden gate is like my diving board,
and life it pointless.
..but what's so wrong with that?

'cause there's another life
and it's a sweeter pain
and we will never die
we've got a will to burn.

to see you again
is like another life
i feel the whole thing happen
the will to burn.

to see you again
is like another life.

i've got another life.
three stars
Monday, October 15th, 2007
11:44 am
so my french midterm was pretty tame. at least, in comparison to the chapter test which was like 8 pages and a million times harder. good thing i didn't worry about it. i skipped my second class to "study" but most of the time i just sat in the library spacing. then i went outside and sat by the fountain and wrote about life. i think i did okay. well, i hope i did. whatever, i'm still taking spanish next semester.

it's a really gloomy day. it was kind of misting this morning. i must commend myself on choosing the proper clothes to fit the weather. huzzah.

and now i must lunch. ciao.

current mood: whatever
three stars
12:05 am - collapse.
i should be studying for my french midterm but i'm not. maybe i will later. maybe not. i'm too exhausted. this weekend drained me. i went by so fast, it was like i blinked and was already back here. i wish i could have stayed home. i miss the quiet and the calm. i miss being alone. i miss being comfortable. it was lovely to lay in my own bed. to have a room all to myself. my oh-so-reliable computer, containing my life. and cleanliness. i didn't realize how much i missed things being neat and the precise laboratory way my mother keeps everything sparkling and perfect.

i was supposed to hang out with people but that was impossible. i was so busy i felt like i was barely at home, except to sleep. i would quite have liked to take it down for a bit and go see a movie or something. or at least spend more time lounging in my heavenly abode. but no. and now i'm back where i have practically no means of transportation, except mooching rides off other people. which i hate and which never works besides. i don't have anybody to do things with here. i wish i had a friend.

current mood: unhappy
in the spirit of three stars
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
12:12 pm - make your peace.
wake up dreamer,
it's happening without you.
cut your hair and shave your beard-
you've squandered your chances.
i'll give you a thousand pounds
to show me how you do it.
stop being so laissez faire,
we're all scared of the future.

i've got a taste for blood;
leave the weak, leave the young.
i've got a taste for blood;
i'm walking out, without you.
you will kill or be killed;
it's about progress.
i've got a taste for blood.

wake up sleepyhead,
it's happening without you.
such a nice guy,
you tell me everything twice.
whipcrack speedjump,
we will run backwards.
stop being so laissez faire;
we're all scared of teh future.

we make plans for big times,
get bogged down, distracted.
we make plans for good times,
all neon, all surface.
so kiss me before it all gets complicated.
i've got a taste for blood.
three stars
Sunday, October 7th, 2007
1:23 am - three ghosts
i am the scribe.
i sit in my room and write.
about everything.
my favorite time is when my roommates leave and i am alone.
kelsey thinks that as a result, i'm missing out on life.
not really i say.
what would i be doing otherwise?

current mood: over it.
three stars
Tuesday, September 25th, 2007
9:36 am - no subject
I don't know what to write about.
I'm just bored.
I love when it turns 10 on work days.
It makes me think: only two more hours until lunch!
And today I'm on-campus for work.
No walking 50 miles to and from.
But it's fucking freezing down here.

current mood: cold
three stars
Wednesday, September 19th, 2007
11:06 pm
life is falling apart.
i don't know what's happening.

if it's not true, i'm going to kill him.
he's ruining everything.

current mood: distressed
in the spirit of three stars
Monday, September 17th, 2007
7:21 pm - taste for blood
so, today.
skipped my first class in order to read the stupid book for my ffc.
stayed up soooo late last night, but instead of doing my own homework i edited matt's english essay and went goofy with my roommates.
so then i just finished my ffc paper during the second half of lunch today.
saw my inside track coach.
i was acting really weird, but she's so nice.
she always says, "you're so cute, i love it!"
we can be extremely girly hahaha.
i'm always happy after i leave there.
then dinner: lasagna.
hello orgasm.
ate cake with a spoon.
i had three pieces in all today.
hi fatty.
they have the nastiest flavors of ice cream in the cafeteria.
3 tubs of bubblegum.
no one eats it.
and in the soft serve there was peanut butter ice cream.
i almost gagged.
it was that appalling.
saw david on the way back.
he told us he just bought a 700something dollar acoustic guitar.
went into matt's room for a little while.
then eamon came and i split.
kelsey just told us about her dinner adventure and another hilarious episode about the sexylatinman in her ffc class.
she has the best stories.
comedy show at 1030.
three stars
Saturday, September 1st, 2007
11:42 pm
and things fall apart.

current mood: gloomy
three stars
Thursday, August 30th, 2007
12:05 am - stop it.
i have to be serious.
i can't let my priorities get mixed up.
at first i thought it wouldn't happen.
then it did.
it's almost hopeless.
i always do this to myself.
and this setup only makes it easier.
but i am above.
i am constant.
school, work, schoolwork.
i'm trying.

this is what you're here for.
you're not supposed to have what you want.

current mood: slightly queasy
three stars
Tuesday, August 28th, 2007
7:44 pm - let it burn
yesterday was the first day of classes. my french teacher is so bomb. she got a tattoo when she was 55. words cannot express. philosophy teacher was kind of boring. said um a lot. but the class seemed ridiculously easy. kept drifting off in my science class which is no longer my science class since it doesn't fit ge requirements. lame. but that teacher also said um a lot. pre-calc teacher is weird but really nice and happy. also a genius - went to mit. i kind of hate my ffc class. whatever. was just glad once classes were over. watched super troopers, sort of. i fell asleep. at night we were all supposed to stay up for the eclipse. i was going to take a nap in my room before it started but when i went to the lounge to tell nancy to come get me and kelsey when it was time, they wouldn't let me leave. so i stayed and they were watching labyrinth. it made no sense. every 2 seconds someone was like, "what the hell is this?" so we started watching nightmare before christmas instead. but then at some point matt, audrey, and i fell asleep. later i woke up and put on clothes to go outside. stayed for the whole stupid thing. went back with kelsey to wake matt because he was all alone. he was also locked out of his room, so when the eclipse was over he spent the night in ours. woke up for my first day at the job. loved it. the people are awesome. and funny. my boss is so goofy sometimes. it's great. david is really sweet. skipped lunch because i couldn't find my roommates. ate pretzels instead. then was fed oreos. haha. dinner with the roomies and david. he's really really nice. on the way there kelsey smacked me in the face with her jacket because of a bug, then took a very short vow of silence because we always make fun of her speech. nancy and i laughed pretty much nonstop for no reason all through dinner. and i stuffed my face. shifty-eyed kieran showed up again when we went back to our dorm. then we came to the library. then kelsey left. then nancy left. so now it's just me. and i'm bored and trying to put off my homework. i have a test tomorrow that means nothing but is a test nevertheless.

current mood: sick
three stars
Saturday, August 25th, 2007
3:13 pm
i'm kind of glad i didn't go to the party last night. i felt bad because kelsey really wanted to go, but there's another one tonight so we'll probably go to that. anyway, we came back and went into david and kyle's room which was the cleanest thing i have ever seen. which is disturbing since there's three guys living in there and it should be gross. it was actually kind of embarrassing looking at how neat theirs was and then thinking of our own big mess of a room. whatever, the point is they had a wii and a flat panel tv. and a refrigerator and microwave. and a printer already all set up. and a plush carpet. it was all just really nice. i don't know, i think it was kyle's doing. he seems like the neat type. his bed was all made and everything was color schemed and stuff. so i asked if he was straight. he said yes. we'll see. he also has a car. i'm so going to use him now. so nancy started playing super mario but she kept dying. and i tried but kept missing this one jump. so kyle took over. i don't know what david was doing but he was pretty quiet. matt was on the floor with us looking at facebook. and i don't know exactly what prompted it, but all three of us were suddenly laughing like maniacs. and we couldn't stop. we were down there rolling around for like 10 minutes straight. and i couldn't stop because matt hadn't stopped and just the way he laughed was making me laugh. and nancy said penis a lot. and we watched potter puppet pals and divided the parts between us. i was harry potter. it was all just pretty great. we even got a noise warning. but i guess david was pretty tired because he basically shoved us out of the room after a while, but not before saying things like "you're not welcome!" and "you need to go now." i swear, he was 2 seconds away from employing physical force. so we left and kyle came with us because he wasn't tired either. and matt didn't want to go into his room since his roommate and his girlfriend were in there having sex (AGAIN) so we brought them to our room. and kyle showed us another video on youtube that was hilarious and then we watched some family guy before matt's computer died. at one point it was really silent for a second and nancy said, "i wonder if they're still having sex?" immediately after the words were spoken there was a loud bang on the wall and we all started started dying again. i felt bad for kelsey though since she was on the top bunk and that was where the sex was taking place directly on the other side of the wall. but it was pretty damn funny. then the guys left and i took a shower. i didn't get to bed until 3:30 but then i also slept until like 12 something today. finally i got some frickin sleep. i guess everyone went to the beach or something because the place has been pretty empty today. kelsey left in the morning to go home for a little while so it's just been nancy and i. we tried going to the library but it was closed. and i left something in kyle and david's room last night so i tried to go get it but no one was there. whatever. dinner is kind of soon and we're both starving since the university decided to cop out and combine breakfast and lunch into one meal, which we obviously missed since we were sleeping. then there's a thing after dinner. i want to see superbad.
three stars
Wednesday, July 18th, 2007
9:26 pm - getting there
i don't like the sun. it gives me allergies. i need to start running earlier.

i am hopeful again. actually & truly hopeful. i really feel like i have a shot. i love reliable people.
three stars
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